Many years ago when Susan and I began the adoption process,
we were fortunate to take some courses on adoption that were very useful in
understanding the process and issues surrounding adoption. We were also trained in the use of
politically correct language as it relates to adoption. Common phrases that we may hear is why did
your “birth mom” give up her child for adoption. In our course we learned that this is not
appropriate terminology. The correct
thing to say is that a birth mom made an “adoption plan.” When we heard this we agreed that it was more
appropriate and didn't give it a second thought. In the years since we often hear from family
and friends that use the “give up” terminology.
This does not bother us because these are our family and friends and we
know they have no ill intent. After all,
they didn't take the course!
Recently, SickKids in Toronto has made a promotional video
entitled “SickKids vs Undeniable.” Some
folks within my circle of health care advocacy have expressed some concerns
about the aggressive nature of the video.
Yes…the video is intense. It
shows battle scenes and is very aggressive in nature. It sends a message of children battling their
disease, such as cancer, liver disease, autism etc.
How did I feel watching the video? Honestly, I could completely relate to the
chaotic, violent, and graphic nature of the content. Keep in mind that my experience in health
care is not common or ordinary. I look
at this video through that lens and my perception is very different than
most. There were times when we were in
hospital and intensive care that it felt very much like the video portrays. A sensory onslaught. An onslaught that resembles the reality of
our experience. Keep in mind that many
people are intimidated by the sights, smells, and experiences that are faced by
very sick children, in critical care units, every day. Signs
above my son's bed would read “Skin Closed – Chest Open” coupled with a mass of wires
and infusions. Our reality was not
pleasant in the least. It was not only
our child; it was a room full of children.
Some of the sickest children in Western Canada. Yes, many times my wife and I would walk to
the hospital to “do battle” and I recall specifically using those words.
Battle Metaphors
One of my favourite books is “Band of Brothers” by Stephen
Ambrose. It was also made into an HBO
mini-series several years ago. It is
based on the World War 2 experiences of E Company of the American 506th
PIR. It chronicles the experiences of a company of men from basic training to the completion of the war, in 1945. Specifically, it shows the bond that forms
between people as they face adversity together.
The title “Band of Brothers” comes from Shakespeare’s HenryV as the
English King addresses his armies prior to the battle of Agincourt. This quote echoed in my head many times as we
camped beside my son’s bed in PICU and observed all of the chaos around us. We were not alone but with our own “Band of
Brothers” in that PICU. Parents and
children who sat on the brink of life.
We watched and observed as some families lost their battle while some
had remarkable successes. There was nothing
fair or equitable about that environment.
We had conversations with Moms and Dads that only we could understand
because we had been there. The quote
from Henry V became very real to me:
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother
-St Crispin’s Day Speech – Henry V
For many of us who have been through horrific medical
experiences, with our children, we do share a common bond. We have many shared experiences and our
humour can be “dark” and probably not fit for public consumption. We talk about when our children “coded” or
when they had “unspeakable” procedures performed on them. A bond forms, and it is this bond between families that we found so important and why I am such a big supporter of peer support. To this day we still keep in touch with some of these families that we "went to war" with.
Watching the SickKids video sparked some of those memories
for me. I know that there are people who
are taking exception to this video, and I do agree that it is edgy and
graphic. Some take exception to the use
of “war” metaphors being used. I
understand their concern but I respectfully disagree.
We all cope in different ways and we should be giving families tools to cope with their situations and not taking coping mechanisms away.
For those of us who have been through some of the most
horrifying experiences in health care. I
think we've earned the right to use any metaphor we want to. I have on several occasions used the quote
from Henry V, which I shared above, because that was something that resonated
with me. We all process
these experiences differently. As human
beings we have been given the gift of emotions.
We can be compassionate, respectful, thankful, express sorrow, and yes we even get
angry and aggressive. We use our emotions to cope with
many of life’s difficulties. The problem
is when we resort to only using only one or just a few of our emotions. We need to find that balance.
Why Make this
Video?
I think the video from SickKids has a place and a specific
purpose but it is also important to realize it’s limitations. Yes, there are sometimes we need to muster up
our courage, play heavy metal as loud as we can, and scream at the top of our lungs. The SickKids video has that vibe. It is also important to realize that at times
we also need to be quiet, empathetic, respectful, and be reflective. As I have done some reading on the video and
where it has been used, I understand that it has been shown prior to a hockey
game at Air Canada Centre in Toronto.
Probably an appropriate venue. It
also would not be appropriate to play it at a remembrance ceremony. We need to use some common sense. This video is certainly not for everyone and
every venue.
I also wonder who the target market is for the video? Several years ago, at a CAPHC/CFAN workshop
one topic came up that I found very interesting. How do we engage more fathers in health
care. Many of the people who volunteer on
parent councils and committees tend to be female. Getting Dads involved is a real issue. Do you not think that the SickKids video is
aimed at a male audience? I do.
I also think that making a “controversial” video is a clear
marketing strategy. It has certainly sparked
a few conversations. As of this morning
the “SickKids VS: Undeniable” video has received 299K views. The next most watched video is 171K and 21K
respectively. It is certainly garnering
a lot of attention. Perhaps that was the
intent all along.
What Really Matters
As I started this blog I related an experience we had during
our adoption experience. How people use
terminology every day that isn’t quite appropriate but because they don’t have
our experience they don’t realize it is inappropriate. In cases like this I choose to look at the
intent of what they are trying to say and take the good out of the
conversation. I am concerned that some
in the patient advocacy and health care ethics world are reading far too much into
this video. I don’t get a great deal of
benefit in micro analyzing every visual in this video. I think we as a society spend far too much
time on issues of political correctness and far too little time on actually
problem solving. In my case I could
identify with the video from our own experience. It resonates.
I understand that others may not feel the same way. That is the uniqueness of the patient
experience. The patient experience is
unique for each one of us; that doesn't give us license to look down on someone
else because their perception or experience is different than our own.
Pardon my lack of Menno but "Holy fuck" that video moved me. So did your words Donald. Well said.
ReplyDeleteDaryl Ramage
Thanks Daryl...now can we try to keep my blog PG 13! lol
ReplyDelete